sometimes a waste

sometimes i have no clue what to say or what to write in some situations or blogs and this one brings me to that point after months of silence (that may or may not show in the date stamps if sudden inspiration comes at some other date and time to fill in all the blank dates and times and spaces and such like that if you know what i mean), and while the human race marches steadily closer to either destroying the world like or at least itself (i think the planet can survive this latest infestation) like a cancer does (or maybe it's the well-intended delusions (or random linkage) that bring us to these points of reference that no one really wants to follow or remember or realize or understand, even, but then, whatever you believe, sometimes it's just a waste of time to even attempt communication when it is not language that separates us, but perspective as no language can bridge unyielding opposing perspectives...

was that shit you just stepped in?...

questions

a midget walked up to me the other day and asked, "if i come out of the closet do i need to give up all my straight friends? and i thought for a moment and responded, "only if they are homophobic and will not open their mind to overcome their fear" and as i turned to go a girl in a wheelchair rolled over my toe and asked, "if i admit i am an atheist do i have to give up all my god-fearing friends?" and i winced for a moment and replied, "only if they do not live up to their holy words to love and leave all judgments up to their gods" and a young man spoke up suggesting those with delusional fears are not cabable of actually being friends in the first place and a young girl spoke up and said those with closed minds are not cabable of actualizing love and the last thing i remember as i left the room was the sound of gunfire and i thought to myself, "maybe some questions are not meant to be asked"...

what?

i don't feel like sleeping even though i must be awake and alert in a few hours even if no one stays awake with me, even recovering from the kick in the head infection that spun me around this week and is it all in my mind (and my doing what?... could it all be a fake after all?... all life's a stage and it's all an act what?... the fool on the hill knew it all along what?... are we still in a parenthesis what?)... there are times when i look in the mirror and do not recognize the person looking back at me, no, what?... how did i lose touch with the man in the mirror and where is the child i know as me, oh, precious innocence what?...

what?

all the love

sometimes i think of all the love i've offered, given, shared, received... i think of all the people who i loved and gave myself to, giving everything is how i love... and i think of how much i enjoyed the giving, feeling wanted, feeling needed, feeling the wonder of feeling important to someone else... the feeling of caring shared, even if it is an illusion, it is the most wonderful feeling (and are feelings not just thoughts in the head and when shared, thoughts in two heads)... and then sometimes i think about where it's all gone, and that's just it, it's gone, the sharing is just a solitary illusion, a memory in my mind, still, a wonderful feeling... and then sometimes i think of why all the people went away and how they took everything and left me here alone and i don't like the feeling much cuz the why does not make sense, the why feels bad... why do all the people take the love and leave me here alone... don't they know there is more love... don't they want my love anymore... that can really start feeling bad, like a thumbs down judgement of me... self-pity can come like a dark cold wave and swallow me and all the love feels empty, useless, worthless, unwanted, so very sad...

that's when i try to forget...

so i can remember...

all the love...

obviously

for no apparent reason (as if), except to have a place to put this blog title that just came to me and demanded to be part of my blogosphere (did i use the word blogosphere in the first entry of this blog?... and come to think of it, how many times have i used the word blog?... whatever happened to diary?... or journal?... or book?... and whatever could that mean, like selling out or conforming or pandering or something like that?... time to change the subject)...

ashley tisdale has nice sweet cheeks...