1 Corinthians 13:11

did you ever consider that maybe it meant When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I felt as a child, I thought as a child. Now that I have become a man, I have lost the child. In other words, in accepting the concepts of being grown-up and taking responsibility, you lose the wonderfully clear perspective of innocence and simplicity that leads to truth that only children maintain...

of course you who wants to face that depressing thought...

it might suggest that everything we think we know is wrong and more specifically, that becoming a man means becoming the self-destructive suicidal ignorant fear-filled beings that any child can see we are...

oooo, look at the pretty butterfly...

the cat and the canary (or mouse)

the advantages of being the cat...

the cat can dominate the space of a smaller animal such a a canary or a mouse and then needs to do nothing more than wait for the canary or mouse to get used to the limits and lack of freedom and make a mistake allowing the cat to pounce, to react, and therein leaving canary or mouse to run or fly in circles (or into walls) in panic mode wondering what he or she did wrong... that is why the cat can smile as it does, for it just does what a cat does, trap, wait, pounce, and the poor canary or mouse just appears foolish and helpless for being such easy prey...

the secret to escape for the canary or mouse is patience... the cat can become just as complacent, it just takes longer but in that time the canary or mouse can identify escape paths that the cat cannot reach and then, in time, use one of those paths when two conditions are met - the canary is truly ready to reach the safe zone AND the cat is away for sufficient time to allow the entire journey to the safe zone to be completed without interference...

patience is the essential tool and skill that must be mastered for this escape... and the canary must remember that the cat is already a master of patience for cats are lazy by nature and quite conditioned to set traps and wait for their prey to forget it is trapped and tired of the limits...

in many ways humanity is playing this cat and canary (or mouse) game as there are a few cats in charge with most of the wealth and power keeping billions of canaries (or mice) trapped in daily routines that allow very limited thought or intimacy or creativity or freedom (and we call it the work ethic, another name for poverty, another name for the trap)...

and in the bigger picture, nature is the cat and humanity is the canary (or mouse) trapped in this limited existence called life on earth and humans rush through life trying to escape from natural limits while nature waits patiently for humans to make that one mistake that ends human existence...

make today a patient day :)

questions

a midget walked up to me the other day and asked, "if i come out of the closet do i need to give up all my straight friends? and i thought for a moment and responded, "only if they are homophobic and will not open their mind to overcome their fear" and as i turned to go a girl in a wheelchair rolled over my toe and asked, "if i admit i am an atheist do i have to give up all my god-fearing friends?" and i winced for a moment and replied, "only if they do not live up to their holy words to love and leave all judgments up to their gods" and a young man spoke up suggesting those with delusional fears are not cabable of actually being friends in the first place and a young girl spoke up and said those with closed minds are not cabable of actualizing love and the last thing i remember as i left the room was the sound of gunfire and i thought to myself, "maybe some questions are not meant to be asked"...

will the human who is not a sick control freak please stand up

but blinded by their fear, they do not see and worse, they expect everyone else to see their fear as the only way to see, their way as the only way to be... from the grand master plans of religious zealots to the singular psychosis of a mass murderer to the singular neurosis of an individual obsessive compulsive person to the collective suicidal insanity of the seriously delusional human race, their fear is death to life...

oh, is that a pineapple in your lap?

mixed slices

not alone, always in a crowd, well, almost alway, and yet, all alone...

working as the glue no one wants around to hold together the broken pieces of a disfunctional family, it's a thankless job, but someone's gotta do it, or so the story goes...

there must be better ways to "make a living"...

meanwhile, all i ever wanted was the one... true love... family... forgives everything... true love... forever... or it it just the illusion of never being alone... illusion or not, it is real when it is shared, committed, said and done, and i said it and did it and still do... i remain true to my word, my promises, my love... and the only one... so were they all liars or thieves or just frail imperfect humans excused by their god or some delusional excuse for shirking responsibility?...

what's the difference...

that is, what is the point of the most important writing ever if no one ever read it?... so the story continues (to be written), day after day, carved from whole cloth, created from the (e)thereal imagination between the lines... and if only for my amusement, so be it...

here and there, home and away, work and play, mixed slices...

new phone?

what?

i don't feel like sleeping even though i must be awake and alert in a few hours even if no one stays awake with me, even recovering from the kick in the head infection that spun me around this week and is it all in my mind (and my doing what?... could it all be a fake after all?... all life's a stage and it's all an act what?... the fool on the hill knew it all along what?... are we still in a parenthesis what?)... there are times when i look in the mirror and do not recognize the person looking back at me, no, what?... how did i lose touch with the man in the mirror and where is the child i know as me, oh, precious innocence what?...

what?

all the love

sometimes i think of all the love i've offered, given, shared, received... i think of all the people who i loved and gave myself to, giving everything is how i love... and i think of how much i enjoyed the giving, feeling wanted, feeling needed, feeling the wonder of feeling important to someone else... the feeling of caring shared, even if it is an illusion, it is the most wonderful feeling (and are feelings not just thoughts in the head and when shared, thoughts in two heads)... and then sometimes i think about where it's all gone, and that's just it, it's gone, the sharing is just a solitary illusion, a memory in my mind, still, a wonderful feeling... and then sometimes i think of why all the people went away and how they took everything and left me here alone and i don't like the feeling much cuz the why does not make sense, the why feels bad... why do all the people take the love and leave me here alone... don't they know there is more love... don't they want my love anymore... that can really start feeling bad, like a thumbs down judgement of me... self-pity can come like a dark cold wave and swallow me and all the love feels empty, useless, worthless, unwanted, so very sad...

that's when i try to forget...

so i can remember...

all the love...